Friday, January 14, 2011

Real Life

Lately I have been finding it hard to decide and commit myself to one thing. Even to things as simple as "Do you want your cupcake on a plate?". Seriously. The barista must've thought I was slow. And when I answered this assessment that I administer on participants, I clicked on "Does Not Matter"more. What is happening to me? Suddenly I don't know what I like and dislike. And I refuse to believe that it still has something to do with... that.

I'm having difficulty choosing and ultimately committing. I know. The problem with me is that I bail. Like Arizona Robbins on Callie Torres, whenever things are hard I walk away. I don't care if I hurt anyone. I don't fix things; I throw them out. I solve problems by moving on. I'm an expert on getting the crap out of my life. It has worked for me before but now here are two things that I can't throw out that easily. Suddenly, the rule of thumb does not work and I have no escape door.

I'm thinking and praying and thinking and praying and... but I haven't found the answer. I keep going back and forth without any real commitment to any side and I know it's not healthy. I have to make a decision and fight for that decision until the end. Only of course, I can't.

Hello, Real Life. You are really testing me.

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