Bye, Bitch 2010!

When 2009 ended, I had one wish: for 2010 not to be a bitch. Well, of course that didn’t happen because 2010 made sure that she shakes and tames the bitch out of me. And that makes her THE bitch.

For a bitch, 2010 was sly and cunning. You know, the type who would pull the rug from under you after luring you into the middle. And yes, she was under a disguise because when you look at the big picture, 2010 was a boring, bespectacled wallflower – far from the alluring 2009.  I. was. fooled.

I graduated and I got a job. Jobs, actually. From that point of view I was doing well. I was following the "should-be" path, the boring path. But life was more interesting than that. This year I got to see the other side of me that I thought did not exist. It happened under the radar, it was self-discovery ala-Eat, Pray, Love only without traveling.

There were bad months, where I felt like drowning and I was only desperately trying to hold on because I had to. I was tired and for once, I wished things were easy and simple. I wished I was one of those people who are contented with a 9 to 5 job and a bed to crash into after. I felt stranded. The inevitable arriving and unfolding of things that surrounded me was overwhelming. The meaning behind the things I did was lost. And everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, only made sense if it was entwined with…

It was the perfect Karma and it changed me more than I could ever imagine. It made me and broke me hundreds of times. It was my hope during days of loneliness and my certainty during moments of doubt as much as it was my darkness in moments of daylight. It may be the biggest paradox I have encountered because it got me so lost and confused. But I say it’s perfect in a positive way because it taught me wonderful lessons that I did not think I was capable of learning.

I fought and prayed A LOT. I turned things around and now I’m back to square one for 2011. I have found myself before the year ended and I can say that I’m prepared to take on this New Year with renewed energy and faith.

I  am ready!

MMXI

Fin

I have to leave because I have a life to live.

This is it. I am letting go. 

Merry Christmas!

Nope, it's not jewelry but this is what I asked for. Yay!

This Shit Called Love

Love. Yeah, that forever complex thing that is called LOVE.

L-O-V-E.

Does it really exist? I want to believe that it does but the universe is proving me otherwise. Relationships are messed up. Even the seemingly perfect ones are not perfect after all. Everybody cheats and so I'm thinking why bother?

I must admit that right at this very moment, there's a glimmer of hope but I still wonder how long I can hold on to that tiny little light that makes me still want to believe in this four-letter word.

I do not know. I honestly do not know.

Here Now

For the past few months, I have lost myself. And yesterday, I've found me.

I won't get into details because I'm not really a person who likes drama. But yeah, think Cristina Yang refusing to perform surgery. It's something like that except I don't have PTSD.

But yes, yesterday I found me. Nothing big happened, there were no movie-worthy scenes. It was a pat on the back rather than a shove. And it did surprise me. Anyways, I was so pumped up yesterday that I went to work #2 even if I don't have to. I did the things that have been on my to-do list for weeks. Things are moving along in less than 48 hours.

It feels nice. I guess sometimes, little things do bring about significant changes. I'm not just back here, but I am back HERE. God is really good.

Monday

Here I am in one of the creepier buildings in the university.

So I was out for most of the day. Mondays are usually like that because of French. I should be sleeping now but I can't bring myself to. I'm still awake even if I'm really tired.

Learning French is fun. Our class is hilarious and our teacher is awesome. It also takes my mind off things. For two hours I just think about French and there are no empty spaces for other thoughts to creep in. It's wonderful to think sometimes that there is still a space in my life that is apart and away from...that. It gives me an escape back to my old self - myself from a year ago.

It's amazing how things are different. I can't believe that it has been a year.

I'm Baaaack!

And my blog has a new name.

There had been a lot of changes since I last posted something here. I have two jobs (one full time and one part time), I'm learning a new language, I'm trying to help people,... I'm not sure if I can talk about everything here so let's just say that within those 6 months, I have learned a lot. I really can't say that things are super duper great since my last post. I've had ups and downs; I've been sick a lot; I've been exhausted a lot; I was hardly ever home... but I also had fun amidst all the things. Being out in the real world has it's joys and pains but hey, if this is what you call "growing up" then, bring it on!

I've never really stopped writing but blogging is different. It's on a level that raises me up from the personal blackhole that sometimes we people create when we only write for ourselves. You know what I mean.

With that, I'm welcoming everyone to my world once again: It's A Chloe World!

:)

I like new beginnings.

Today is symbolic. The homeland is starting anew and I want to do the same.  I won't make any promises but today is the right time for change.

Let's face a new morning tomorrow.

First Day Blues

Tomorrow is going to be my first day at work. Saying that I'm nervous is an understatement. I'm scared, super scared. I don't know what to expect mainly because I have no idea what is going to happen. The woman who called me just told me to come in on Monday. Didn't tell me what time exactly and I also forgot to ask so I'm just gonna come there before 9 and then let's see.

This is nerve-racking. I don't even know what I should wear. That's how clueless I am. The thing is my sense of style does not match office fashion. My idea of business casual is 80% casual, 20% business. Office wear for me is what you wear if you work in a magazine publishing company. I hate slacks. I hate the fabric office wear usually are made of. I went to clothing stores selling office clothes and I didn't really find anything interesting. No pretty patterns, they have lots of colors, and the fabric is not my type. I'm hoping that they are not super strict with dress code so I can still dress up as myself. I hope. Another thing, I don't even know is the office hour. I sure hope it starts at 9 because I'm used to that schedule now. 9-5 is pretty reasonable. Also, I wonder if training will start immediately tomorrow. I really have no idea. I guess we'll see.

I need all the prayers. As you can see, I am really lost.

But you know, amidst these confused, scared feelings, I feel so blessed. I can't believe that only a few days after convocation, I will be able to secure a job like this. I still can't believe it. It hasn't sunk in. I even asked what did I do to deserve this kind of job? It's 100x of what I expected and 10x of what I wanted. I told myself that there is no way that I will have a sales related job after grad and that I will do my best to have a job that is somewhat related to what I have studied for in university. I was only looking for a part-time job. I wasn't really aiming super high. Just something psyc-related or even just research-related was enough. But this job appeared. I promised myself that I will try to be the best - learn everything, focus on the important things, and give my best effort. This was given to me so I have to deserve it. I have to show everyone that I am worthy of the trust they gave me.

Pray, pray, pray! I'm gonna rock it tomorrow!

***

University life tag will rest for now at least and I'm gonna open a new one, Working Girl so I can blog about work and stuff.

Employed!

And so, after about a month of looking for a job...

...I HAVE ONE ALREADY! Yay!

I feel so blessed! :)

Graduand to Graduate

I practically had no sleep, had swollen eyes (I watched Hachiko last night. Super tear jerker! I think I used up my supply of Kleenex.) and an aching head. I was trying in vain to be cheery and merry this morning. Miraculously, everything went well even though my head felt like exploding and my temper was closely reaching it's boiling point.

As expected, the ceremony was long. There were no snooze-worthy speeches. It's just that there were so many of us. I was called within the first hour of the ceremony (I was graduand #37) so it was kind of boring waiting for everyone but got through that by reading the convocation booklet and texting. LOL There were a few cheesy moments but they were forgivable. I for one, also can't help but be proud of all of us especially of my other honours classmates who went through A LOT in our final year. It was great to see everyone happy.

Family members were all super hungry after the ceremony so heavy lunch was required. All of us ate steak. Hurray to cholesterol!

I don't know what I feel right now. It still doesn't feel like I have graduated. I just have a piece of paper bearing my name and degree. Overall, it was a fun but tiring day. Yes, it was exhausting even though we practically did nothing but sit, walk 20 steps to the stage and back, and sit, sit sit. Lack of sleep is not a good thing.

So yeah, here I am. A graduate with an honours degree. Hello, Unemployment!

May Long

While other people look forward to long weekends and holidays, I don't. I was never too excited about days off. I often feel that holidays disrupt the flow of things. You know, things that have to be done has to be put off. Say I am waiting for something that needs to be processed for 4-5 business days. Add up the weekend and the holiday (if there's one) and the wait stretches out. Or say, you're waiting for an important email and then you won't receive any reply because it's a long weekend. I SO HATE THAT. Plus, long weekends were never productive for me. Like this one!

Anyway, last night Arianne and I went to the Truefaith concert! FUN although the audience can be better. Well, can't blame them naman. They are a relatively older audience. I mean, really, you can't expect them to jump up and down and party.

Truefaith sang their hits. OMG kiligers! "Kung OK Lang Sa'yo", "Wag Na Lang Kaya", "Perfect", "Dahil Ikaw". Medwin's voice was soooo good!

They also played songs from their new album. I heard their new song, "Yun Lang" featuring Armi of Up Dharma Down weeks ago and liked it. Pero iba pag live! Ang taas ng energy!!!

Wanted: Employer

We are now in the middle of May. So far I have sent out 6 resumes/application forms. I won't lie and say they are "easy" jobs. They are legit, non-sales/retail jobs. Yes, I am choosy. Kill me now.

I have been applying for a little over a week now. Only a week and believe me, the anxiety is killing me. I'm not entirely sure if it's because I am really, really bored (since the term ended, my #1 problem is finding something productive to do) or because of unemployment itself. I'm not really unemployed but I have lots of spare time that I think can be used for more. If I have projects it wouldn't be so bad but even those are not progressing.

Right now, I have a list of "things to do". Things that were overlooked before because I was too busy. Maybe God gave me this time to focus on these things.

AHHH. I hate this feeling.

Koala Day

Enjoyed the beautiful and sunny, 27C Winnipeg yesterday with the Koalas! Had a really, really fun day! HAHAHA I can't believe how crazy we are. OMG! I wish I can blog about what actually happened yesterday but I can't sadly. Let's just say that whatever happened exceeded our expectations. HAHAHA

When Five Fell

Gessa and I have been raving about this Wong Fu Prod video at around 2AM. Ha! Yes, we were wide awake. There's too much to love in this short. It was smart, sweet, and poetic. It was romantic but not cheesy. I don't even know how many times I've watched it since last night.

Wesley Chan wrote and directed the video.

Here is When Five Fell.

when five fell. wesley chan

The morning is which she lingers.
It's before the world wants anything from her,
and that's when she's most beautiful.
It's true not many saw her like that.
But I can't say I was the only one.

Eventhough we each had our own beginnings
Mornings like this were shared between us all.

Sanctuary

And so after a long, long time I went and visited the gallery. It was unplanned. I was supposed to go somewhere else but decided against it the last minute. I ended up going to the gallery.

I visited five exhibitions: the Art of Warner Bros. Cartoons; The Collection on View: European Renaissance and Baroque Art: 1500-1700; The Collection on View: The Academic Tradition in Europe & Canada, 1700-1900; The Collection on View: Modernist Traditions: 1870-1950; The Collection on View: Art on a Paper Ground

It amazes me how the age of the artwork does not seem to sink on me. I touched a table and a desk and I can't seem to process the thought that they are both from 1650. While looking at them, I tried to put them in context. I tried to imagine the world in that year to be able to think of them as something that is more than 300 years old but I can't.

There were a number of things that stood out. I loved the Greek sculpture and the ivory and copper casket. I like the old pieces of furniture. I like the huge altarpieces.

George Agnew Reid - The Story, 1890. - Oil on canvas,Collection of the WinnipArt Gallery. Gift from the Hugh F. Osler Estate. G-47-164.

This is the painting that I loved the most in the Academic Tradition collection. There's something cute, mysterious, and great about this picture. The charm of these boys in their little coats is irresistible.

It was nice feeling. I love the peace and quiet the place gives me. I like being surrounded by art. Could have stayed longer but I had to go somewhere. I wish to come back soon and just sit there and let time pass. Soon.

Hands Free

(from xkcd.com) This made me laugh out loud. I can never be comfortable with hands-free handsets and anyone who uses them. They're weird and I will forever think that they are. I have had a few incidents with people using hands free. Talk about awkward and funny. And no, I won't even blog about them because they are downright embarrassing.

Anyway, I had the longest sleep in many, many months. I slept before 3AM and woke up today at 1PM. So that's more than 10 hours. Yay! It's a feat! I don't even feel guilty about it! The weather's still pretty ugly outside and really, it is nice to sleep when it is raining.

After my long sleep, I organized and cleaned my bookshelf! I kept putting off cleaning it 'cause I thought it will take hours but it actually took me less than an hour. Now all my notes and books from all four years of studying look so neat. I never sold any of them (some were borrowed by friends) and I never highlighted a page nor wrote in any. I'm a sentimental freak but only when it comes to books. On the other hand, my notes are organized by the term/year I made them. 90% are in transparent duo-tangs. My sister's used my 4 year old Psyc notes in Winter. She didn't use her book and just read what I wrote and she got better grades (compared to Fall). HAHAHAHA Maybe I should make a business out of them. LOL

Anyway, my right eye is strained. Yes, just my right eye. I watched two movies yesterday and now it's really acting up. :( Maybe I should ask for glasses so it doesn't get tired easily. Better end this now and rest my eye.

Wow this entry is so random. I'm really bored.

That old chair

Okay this is weird.

I was browsing the Daily Candy website when I saw this deckchair.

I thought, "This is eerily familiar."

And then I remembered we used to have a chair similar to this one. It's not just the design but the colors too. I wish I have a picture so I can show you how similar they are.

This chair is worth $175. Our chair might be 175 too - in Philippine peso. LOL

Anyway this chair is by Gallant & Jones, a Canadian company.

They have a cute website. Check them out here: http://gallantandjones.com/

Rants

I have been complaining for days now because I have nothing to do. During the days that I don't have work, I go out. Like... I shop, I eat out. I just go somewhere because I'm not used to staying at home without anything to do. As a consequence, my wallet is suffering. It's sad.

Almost all the people I know have been complaining about the sudden lack of something to do. We are sooo damn bored. I mean, I went from staying at the library till it closes because I have papers to write and chapters to read, juggling school with work and then in a blink, I have nothing left to do. It has been a week now since my last day in school and I can't keep still. I need to do stuff!!! Actually, I think it hasn't sunk in that I'm actually done with school (at least for now!). I'm still pretty much there everyday because of work. But I miss it! I miss having to do schoolwork! Throw stones at me but I actually miss the pressure. The day after my presentation, I went to Chapters and bought a book that looks like university text (NO LOGO by Naomi Klein). LOL I'm reading it now plus the book that I borrowed from the library. If there is something good that came out of this boredom, it's the fact that I'm reading again for pleasure. It has been a long time since I last read a book just because. And yes, I'm loving it.

But still I'm looking for the busy-ness. Today is quite a happy day because I have things to do. YAY! I had a meeting that started before 11AM and went on until 2PM. I stayed at work till 2.30 then I was off to my other meeting for UMSigaw at 3. Walked around the Osborne village because I had to buy cards and also, look for a dress for the honours dinner (Kristin and I bought tickets earlier so there's no backing out now!).

I'm pretty much done with the things I have to do for tonight. I just have to organize documents from work and then I'm back to reading Love in the Time of Cholera. I'm thoroughly enjoying the book! Can't explain how Fermina Daza amuses me. Haha!

Goodbye, Undergrad!!!

IT'S DONE! Undergrad life has come to an end!

I can still remember when I was in my 1st year, I was thinking how 2010 seems so far away. And now it's here. I managed to graduate on time. I initially thought I won't be able to pull it off but here I am. It was a happy run. Of course, there were complains and rants here and there but overall, those 4 years were fun. I gained a lot of knowledge, met a lot of people, and got to know myself better.

Honestly, I can't wait. I'm excited of the new beginning this end will bring. This year will be productive. This year there will be no walls, no hesitations. As cheesy as it may sound, this is the year of realizing dreams.

Really, I can't wait.

Back to Square One

You can spend your whole life thinking you want commitment. You grow up with a clear idea of exactly what it is that you want, and yet when you have it, when it’s there, attainable, on your doorstep, you change your mind. Perhaps this is what we need: a dream, a hope for the future, something to aspire to, and perhaps we need to keep replacing this dream with something a little bigger, because when we manage to fulfill the dream, we usually find out that it’s not what we wanted in the first place, or if it is, it doesn’t feel the way we always thought it should. Sometimes, if you’re very mixed up, very stupid, or very thoughtless, you screw up the dream just as you get it. you tell yourself you don’t deserve it, and you have to start all over again.

I said I'm not gonna think about it anymore but I can't help it.

It's Set!

Today is officially the last day of classes. It is THE LAST DAY of my undergrad.

And what could be a better way to celebrate this day than to take the first step to a new, more exciting beginning?

I'm so freakishly excited. I'm smiling like a retard. For the past few days, I've realized how I want it so much.

So, yes. Uh-uh. The date is set! :)

My head is about to explode

I'm thinking too much.

And that's not because I'm ma-drama. I just have a lot to think about. This grad thing is getting really, really stressful by the day. I have officially finished experiment 1 of my study but I still have one more. Then I have to do the analysis and then the BIG PAPER. But aside from that I still have exams and papers for my other classes.

I'm tired. Really. Right now my brain just wants to rest and not think about anything that is school-related.

Half Crazy

Ilang araw na akong di mapakali. May hinahanap ako pero di ko naman makita.

Everyday I crave for something. Red velvet cupcakes, I crave almost everyday. Pero pag kinakain ko na, nare-realize ko na hindi pala yon ang gusto ko and I'm still not satisfied. Tapos nagke-crave na naman ako ng iba tapos pag nakuha ko na, hindi pa rin yun ang hinahanap ko. Right now, I want Nutella.

I have been distracted too lately. Isip nang isip nang isip. Tapos sobrang dami ring inaasikaso at araw-araw kulang sa tulog. There were days that I go classes-thesis-work. I leave home at 8.30 then I get home at around 10.30. Ewan. Nakakapagod.

Okay naman dati pero may nawala at nawala na rin ako ng gana. Oh so bad. Anyway, hope I can find enough enthusiasm to get through and finish this term without killing myself.

Snooky, ikaw ba yan?

Okay. This has been getting attention online. Apparently, this girl has been going around the city (city = Manila, Philippines). Well, OK lang naman but wait until you see what she looks like. Kinda creepy if you ask me.
From byahilo.com Taking the MRT or LRT... I'm not sure. Wait I'll check. Oh OK, MRT. Funny because people seem not to notice her.
From Chuvaness.com The girl karaoke-ing! Say what? I wonder where this is. May kasama pa syang mga Pilipino. I wonder if she's Filipino herself.

She looks like Snooky from that old movie where she played this ugly girl who becomes pretty. I forgot what movie that is. And the Filipiniana... I don't know. Haha! Because of this I remembered this girl I used to see on the bus. Chi and I would talk about her 'cause her thick mustache and her unibrow were bothering us. Not to mention her hair which she keeps in place by braiding in two sections!!! Que horror! We don't mean to be, ummm, mean but see that much mustache + unibrow is unforgivable. Like really. Mirrors and tweezers exist for a reason.

As for this girl, something should be up. I mean, really, this is too weird. Maybe this is some kind of social experiment. I'm kind of curious though. I'm wondering what she's trying to do.

Blue and White

I was supposed to make crinkles for my brother's girlfriend and some of our friends but I'm missing one ingredient. I made vanilla cupcakes instead. I just need to bake something to let the stress out. The cupcakes' pretty basic until I decided to put some food coloring. I just tried to see how it will turn out.
And here's what one cupcake looks like inside. I didn't really have any strategy in putting the blue and the white batter. I just put whatever. The second batch has more layers though but I don't have a picture yet.
The icing was a failure. I hated it. It lacks consistency. I didn't put any on the cupcakes except for the one in the picture.

Chances

“I used to feel so alone in the city. All those gazillions of people and then me, on the outside. Because how do you meet a new person? I was very stumped by this for many years. And then I realized, you just say, “hi.” they may ignore you. Or you may marry them. And that possibility is worth that one word."

-- Augusten Burroughs

Lovelies

Aha! Yes, too much redness today!

I'm getting really addicted, Red Velvet.

“She’s not the type of girl to wait by the phone, she won’t cry, she knows it’ll get her nowhere, she’ll laugh a lot and often, and she will live her own life. She would like you to be a part of it, but she will do just fine without you.”

“Whoever said, “You don’t know what you have until it’s gone” is wrong, because you know exactly what you have when you have it. You just don’t know how much you need it until you can’t have it anymore.”

“I’ll be looking for you, every moment, every single moment. And when we do find each other again, we’ll cling together so tight that nothing and no one’ll ever tear us apart. Every atom of me and every atom of you… We’ll live in birds and flowers and dragonflies and pine trees and in clouds and in those little specks of light you see floating in sunbeams… And when they use our atoms to make new lives, they won’t just be able to take one, they’ll have to take two, one of you and one of me, we’ll be joined so tight…”
— Philip Pullman

Tanong #1

Si God ba binibigyan ka ng challenges para sabihin sa'yo na bumitaw ka na o para subukan kung gaano mo talaga kagusto ang isang bagay?

Chocolate Crinkles

My sister has been requesting (more of insisting) that I bake chocolate crinkles or snowcaps whatever you want to call them. So I made them last night with her help. HELP = yelling the instructions to me. I was unsure at first coz the recipe calls for very little sugar compared to the amount of chocolate (mostly unsweetened).

Here are the crinkles while in the oven. At first I'm not sure how far apart I should put them on the pan so I only put a few. Each crinkle is 1/2 tablespoon of dough.
They were a success! They came out great. Just the right consistency and flavour. They are not too sweet which is good! Family loved them!
Here's a close up! All of us brought some to work and school. So far all the feedback are good! :)

We Are The World

57 YouTube artists for Haiti! They are sooo good! Arguably better than the mainstream artists' version.

Canadian Saint: Brother Andre

The Pope attributed an inexplicable healing to him December last year. I'm curious! I wonder what it is. I'm not too familiar with the process of canonization but it's super interesting.

You can read the story here.

Red Velvet Cupcakes

These are cupcakes from today. I baked another batch coz I have lots of extra ingredients. I might make more. LOL Like last time, I decreased the oil and put extra cocoa. The cakes are now heavier. I put more batter in each cup so I ended up making only 22 cupcakes. I have lots of left over cheesecake frosting. I shouldn't have used all the cream cheese. But I saved it for next time.
And yeah, I still have the red sugar. It's cute. My sister loved them. I still need to practice putting the frosting on the cupcakes so it doesn't look messy. Haha! I'm improving!
Here's what it looks like inside. I noticed that last time there are some brown spots so what I did this time was I doubled the red food coloring. The outside still looks brown but the middle part is really red. I'm not sure what will remedy that.
The family likes them. My lolo's teasing me that I won't study anymore and just have my own bakery. HAHA! I just wish!!! Anyway, tomorrow will be the start of READING WEEK for me but I'll probably bake something tomorrow after all that studying.

I'm a Baker Hahaha

More like, FEELING BAKER. I'm in the mood to bake stuff recently. Don't ask why. Friends think I'm possessed or something coz I don't normally cook. I only have a little idea on how the kitchen works. Baking is the extent of my domestic skills. Yun na!

So anyway, I made Cheesecake Brownie last Friday. It came out great! It looks like this only messier. LOL The shapes are not perfect rectangles. I don't have pictures because they were gone before I can even get the camera. I think I might make another tomorrow.

I found the recipe by accident. It's by David Lebovitz. I was trying to look for something to bake for the supposedly Valentine's Day baking date with the HKs, which didn't happen because Lem had to work. Caught my attention because the name sounds yummy and then the pictures... You can find the recipe here. David has more interesting recipes that I might try in the future.

Today I tried Red Velvet Cupcakes. I got obsessed with Red Velvet cupcakes from Starbucks that I wanted to try and make them. I was super nervous because I'm not sure if it will come out right. The recipe is relatively more complicated and this is the first time I'm baking cupcakes from scratch. Luckily, the cupcakes survived!!! They're delicious!!! I love them! The frosting is the best. I also bought colored sugar to put on top. I had my brother take pictures but they're still with him. I'll update this entry as soon as I get them.

Tomorrow, I'll try and make Snowcaps which looks like Chocolate Crinkles really and the Cheesecake Brownie. And maybe bake some Red Velvet again. I'm not sure. But yeah, more baking tomorrow. I'm getting addicted! This is just a phase, I know, but I have this stupid dream of having my own bakery even when I don't know how to cook and bake. Baliw ako, I know. But yeah, more baking tomorrow. I'll keep you posted.

UPDATE: Here's the photo!

Irrelevant. Everything is.

Interest is fading. Recently, I don't care if I'm missing a lot. Everything is slowly becoming irrelevant.

I want something and it casts a shadow over everything.
It's as if every waking moment is just for one. One thing that is not entwined with everything else that exists before it. It's hard to explain this new occurrence but it's slowly taking over every part of my life. Irrational, yes, in more ways than one but it's effect is real...and good.

I don't really know how I will go on with this. Let's see.

Dear Diary

I just finished reading DOP's entry about giving her daughter a diary. I can't help but reminisce. Back then when I was 10 or 11 I had my first diary. "Diary", yes, as opposed to "journal", diary seems so young, cute and full of dreams. I remember, mine was blue and had a pink lock to secure it. I have skimmed through it more than once. And every time I read it I can't help but be amazed. It's magical how that little notebook gives a peek on how an 10 (or 11) year old me dealt with life. How my little problems seemed so big then, how I fussed over things, how I defined friendship and love... everything was frozen in time and free for me to experience over and over.

And one diary lead to another, and another. My Diary not long after became a Journal. Ideas, frustrations, craziness filled every page. There were times that I would just sit in one corner and write about all the things that flutter in my head. I wrote everywhere. In our garden, in my old university's lobby, the old hallway,... everywhere where something bothers me, I write. A lot of the thoughts are things that I do not have the courage to say, some are ideas that are too progressive, and some were possibilities that were then waiting to happen. It was fun writing. This will sound so romantic but it is like I'm pouring a piece of me on that piece of paper. A picture captures a moment, but a journal entry captures the soul when it is sad, happy, or mad.

But the larger reason why I wrote before is to keep myself sane. I wrote to organize my thoughts when my mind is a clutter. Writing helped me a lot when emotion was getting the best of me. It was also a creative outlet. Those diaries and journals, in a way, were friends that were there for me through these years. I think every little girl (or boy maybe) should have a diary just like me before and DOP's daughter. Really. Even just a little notebook. It doesn't even have to be fancy.

If you're going to ask if I have a journal right now, I don't. All I have is this blog. Life right now prevents me from being reflective. I miss it though. Also, I miss writing on paper. Recycled paper to be exact. My later journals are always made of recycled material from Papemelroti. Maybe, I'll go back to the tradition again. Someday.

Anxiety Again

I'm anxious again. There are lots of things going on right now but keeping up is not the problem. Actually, I'm getting things done early but I feel that I can do something more. I feel that something is missing. It's as if there is something else that needs to be done. What exactly, I don't know. I'm guessing, I'm just missing the rush, the pressure. I still have lots of free time even if I'm doing stuff and maybe that explains why I still feel that whatever I'm doing isn't enough.

Anyway, the experiment part of my thesis is gonna start soon. Thinking about it makes my head want to explode. It's not huge work, mind you, but it's going to be one hell of a BRAIN WORKOUT. But it's pretty exciting. I never thought I'd say this but seeing the "researcher" label when I log in the subpool website makes me "kilig". It's a lovely feeling. Haha! Speaking of "kilig", I just re-scheduled my grad pic session 'cause it will be in conflict with my experiment. As I register again, I can't stop smiling. Oh my! This whole process of graduating is kinda fun. I never thought I will feel this way about it. I used to say that I don't want to be out of school!

So back to the topic of being anxious, I think I have to do something about it. I should volunteer no? Maybe at HSC since I'm always in that area anyway. Hitting two birds with one stone pa 'yon! Maybe, maybe. I should look into that.

Oh I submitted my two weeks notice earlier. I will only work 4 more shifts and then it's goodbye Polo. I know wouldn't miss that place.

How Six Songs Collide

I love the Norwegian Recycling!!! I love their stuff! I've been listening to their mash-ups for a while now but I only downloaded some of the albums just recently coz I'm ignorant with Torrent. LOL Now this is all I listen to aside from Paolo Nutini.

I'm superrr addicted to this song. It's old but OHMY I don't care. I can't help but drown in his voice.



I have this on repeat while studying. How I wish I'm Teri Brogan. Lucky girl!

R.A.

Remember the job I was talking about mid-last year? Well, IT IS MINE now. FINALLY.

I am a research assistant.

I got interviewed earlier. The professor told me everything about the study then showed me the lab and the office afterwards. She then took me to the Family Social Sciences office so I can get some forms and then they gave me keys to the building and the lab itself.

It's exciting! I really wanna get some research experience. And I'm gonna work with kids so it's really good.

The study will run until the summer and maybe around the fall. So the question has been answered. Now I know what I'm gonna do after grad. I'm gonna stay here for a while at least.

All I Wanna Say Is That

REALLY COOL!

The dancing inmates from Cebu, Philippines were visited by Michael Jackson's longtime choreographer, Travis Payne. Sony filmed the routine and I think it's included in the This Is It DVD. Coooool!

The video is a mix of ironies. LOL They even made the peace sign at the end tapos the song that they danced to is They Don't Really Care About Us which is a song about being a victim of the system. But it's amazing nonetheless. It's a good thing that the Cebu inmates' dance exercise gets attention. I really believe that this is a good way to teach discipline and camaraderie.

Chillax

Today was a fun, fun super chillax day. Impromptu lakad with Marylin, Keith, and Lem after I asked them if they can help me with my experiment. Actually, we made Keith skip his Bio class. LOL

We were supposed to go to Kawaii again but we ended up at Naru kasi sobrang gutom na kami. Mega tawanan and kwentuhan over sushi (at Naru), torte, and steamed milk (at Baked Expectations). I never ate that much for a long, long time already. I had my usual Teriyaki Chicken and Ice Roll at Naru. Yummy! I will never get tired of Ice Roll. After that, Marylin said she wants something sweet. We were supposed to chill at Starbucks but we're worried that we might not find a spot for the place is usually packed so we went to Baked Exp. We shared two kinds of tortes - hazelnut and mocha. Sobrang tawanan and kalokohan uli. Our faces were hurting already from too much laughing. 

I wish all days are like this. Sobrang chill-chill lang after a quite stressful week. Sabi nga namin, we should do it more often, every payday siguro. Fun times!

Switchfoot

Last night, Tristan, Sybil, Marylin, Patrick and I watched Switchfoot's concert at the Garrick Centre. The place was packed, the crowd was great, and Switchfoot was just AWESOME! Sobrang saya!

They sang all the tracks from their new album Hello Hurricane then some of their hits from their old albums. Ang galing-galing!!! We were dancing, singing, and hollering! We enjoyed the night nang sobra-sobra!

Concerts like this is FUN. I enjoyed it really much when we were already standing and just jumping to the songs. Looking forward to watching more!

Photo from Sybil Abarientos

Fae's Day!

 Eto ang birthday na hindi dapat ma-miss kasi kapag hindi ka nakapunta, makokonsensya ka. Kasi naman, ONE YEAR ahead ang pag-invite ng celebrant kaya wala kang kawala. HAHAHA!

Ang birthday celebrant!

Wala nang Barbie doll ang cake. Flowers na lang. 20 na kasi sya. HAHAHA Masarap lagi ang handa. Andito pa rin ang favorite naming GULAMAN! Waaah!

Sobrang daming bata!!! OMG!!! Gusto ko nang tumira kila Fae. They are all super cute! Look at their little "cave". Anjan ang mga toys nila. Para lang silang nagka-camping.

And eto kami! FUN TIMES!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, FAE!!!

Photos from Arianne Solis

Kawaii II

Me and my friends went to Kawaii again. I don't think we will stop going here until we tried everything. HAHAHA Medyo madami kami. Sabi nga ni Marylin, FIELD TRIP! Hahaha! 

I got Sweet Tooth this time! It's yummy. It's not super sweet for the whipped cream and the ice cream balances the Nutella. I also got their Mango Bubble tea. It's alright. Asia City is still the winner though.

This is everyone. Well, not everyone. Keith, Alvir, and I are missing.

Fun day! Lots of laughing, laitan, and tawanan. CANTALOUPE. HAHAHAHA

Grad Blues

I am graduating in a few months and expectations are high. I'm trying to push the what-will-I-do-after-this thoughts away to the back of my mind. Maybe I'm still in denial about graduating. I'm living by the moment right now. But after Jiggs asked me earlier, if I see myself living in the Philippines or here in the Peg it suddenly dawned on me that I really have no idea where I want to stay. I mean, I am sure that I don't want to stay in the homeland nor here in Winnipeg for the rest of my life but I don't have any alternatives in mind either. If you ask me right now, I just want to go from one place to another with no concern about permanence. The thing is I have to pick a Law school and stay there for at least three years. As to where, I don't know. The idea of living in a place and getting stuck there for a long, long time actually makes me anxious.

And then I realize, I have no destination because I have no reason to go and stay somewhere. That's what I need, I guess - a reason. Right now I just have two things in mind - the internship and my projects. That's it for me and I really, really, really hope that they will materialize. Shit no. I will make them happen. But anything after that... I don't know already. If I won't be able to go to BC for that internship, I don't know what I will do. Work maybe but where, I am not sure.

Jiggs told me to just wait until I actually graduate coz that's when I need the answer. For now, I guess I'll just focus on what I need to finish then I'll figure something out. I just hope I'll find it in me soon.  

Today's Randoms

This is it. The last term of my undergrad! I'm still having problems with the whole Tier-St. John's but whatevs.

Kaya ko 'to. Itodo na!

---

Eh kung kayo kaya ang mag-move on? Nauna pa ako sa inyo.

Ginagago ko na nga lang, pero sineseryoso nyo pa rin. What the hell?

Dalawang taon at mas marami pang kwentuhan

Dalawang taon at daan-daang blog entries.

Happy Anniversary, Kwentong Marathon

Trivia:

• Ang "Kwentong Marathon" ay galing sa kantang Hinahanap-hanap Kita (Adik Sa'yo) ng Rivermaya. Specifically, sa line na 'to: "Adik sa'yo, awit sa akin. Tila sawa na sa aking mga kwentong marathon." Isa kasi ang kantang 'to sa mga all-time favorite songs ko tapos parang bagay naman kasi sa blog na 'to kasi puro kwento naman talaga.
• Yun nga lang, medyo sinungaling yung blog title kasi hindi naman sya "marathon" talaga. Tumigil ako mag-post noong, October 2007 at bumalik lang noong April 2008. Sobrang busy kasi sa school at sa kung ano-ano pang mga bagay. Tapos minsan isang beses lang ako nakakapag-post sa isang buwan.
• Ang mga posts sa Crazy Moments, hindi isang lalake lang ang tinutukoy. LOL At kung iniisip nyo na may post ako jan tungkol don sa lalakeng yon under Crazy Moments, sorry to disappoint you pero WALA. Hahahaha! 
• Ang kulay ng Kwentong Marathon dati ay yellow, white, at black. Hindi na ngayon.
• Pang-limang blog ko yata ang Kwentong Marathon. Nagsimula akong mag-blog nung 13-14 years old ako. Hindi ko na maalala talaga. Una akong nasa Blogger tapos lumipat sa Blogdrive. Bumalik sa Blogger pero nagkaroon ng LiveJournal pero mas loyal pa rin sa Blogger. Hindi ko na maalala kung ano yung mga pangalan ng mga dati kong blog maliban sa Ako ay Bituin  na sinundan ng Kwentong Marathon. Deleted na kasi may malware. 
• Cloe McOrr ang pangalan ko dito which is a play on my real name.

How DFs Talk

My YM status: "is confused!!! Bahala na nga!

Alvir: Ang mga bagay na hindi maintindihan ay hinahanap sa dictionary.

Me: WALA NGA EH. I LOOKED NA. Even Wikipedia.

Me: HAHAHAHAHAHA

Alvir: Bakit ka natawa?

Me: Wala. Masama?

Alvir: Hmmm yeah

Me: Che mo. Ikaw nga naka-smile.

Alvir: Coz I have a reason to smile. :P

Me: AND I HAVE A REASON TO LAUGH. MWAHAHAHA

I told DF that I have so many printscreen-ed conversations.

Alvir: Let's see kung kanino ang huling tawa. :)

Me: Tinatanong pa ba yan? EH DI SYEMPRE SA AKIN.

Alvir: Tignan na lang natin. :) =))

Me: Oo talaga.

Alvir: Bakla ka.

Alvir: Dadating din ang time na ikaw naman ang tatawanan namin. :)

Me: Hindi nyo ako makikita.

Me: OMG. Pang-ilan ka nang nagsabi nyan.

Alvir: Don't be so sure about that. :)

Me: Mga walanghiya kayo. CHE KAYONG LAHAT.

Alvir: Kakainin mo ang mga sinasabi mo. :)

Me: SHET KA. Ganyan din sabi ni Mavic.

Alvir: =))

Alvir: Isa lang ibig sabihin nyan DF.

Me: Meant to be kayo ni Mavic. =))

Alvir: GAGO!

Me: =)) =)) =))

The Moon

Who knows what you mean to me now?
You're like the moon. Always there; always on my mind.
And you're so damn beautiful.
But maybe
You're just a big rock, floating in space.
Maybe you're not mystical, maybe you're nothing but dust.
Maybe not the magic kind.
Maybe.

And maybe I have no fucking clue where I am going with this
And I just need to just sort it out.
But the image of your eyes clouds my own vision Of where I stand and where I am heading.
And I am just lost.


(Taken from Tumblr. Not mine though I wish I wrote this.)

Avatar (2009)

Finally, we got to watch Avatar this afternoon! The theatre was sooo packed! We watched the 3PM show ha but still there are lots of people!

As for the movie itself: Oh man, 3 hours of mind blowing computer graphics. PURE AWESOMENESS! It's not just the CG that is amazing though. The issues tackled in the story are really, really current even if it is originally written 14 years ago. The audience can relate to it one way or another.

Some parts of the story is predictable (including the ending) but what makes it amazing is how it incorporates social issues in the situation between the Sky People and the Na'vis. The use of education, supplying medicine, etc. to the Na'vis to gain their trust and be able to influence them have happened and is still happening in real life. The desire for precious material and trying to drive the indigenous people away. The movie reminded me of the Iraq war. It reminded me of the tribes we've studied in my Anthropology classes. (Also, while watching it, I can't help but think of Grace (Sigourney Weaver) not as a scientist but as an anthropologist. I don't know. Her character just have that feel and the attitude of an anthropologist.) It made me think and reflect. I like movies like that. Movies that subtly ask you what you will do if you are in that situation. (Like The Dark Knight)

Pandora enthralled me. It's so beautiful. The details that Cameron put in this fictional world is just wow. The Na'vi culture was beautifully depicted. They even have their own language! I wonder where Cameron drew inspiration for it. This is why I love, love stories like this. The amount of time and effort needed to create a fictional society with all the structures, the social hierarchy, the religion, the language, etc. to make it seem a real one is not a joke. It takes a genius to be that detailed.

On a lighter note, Sam Worthington is sooo gwapo. And I don't know if it's just me and my malabo eyes plus the 3D glasses but Sigourney sometimes looks like Susan Sarandon.

Overall, it is a great movie. Visually stunning! I wish Pandora actually exists! Haha!

Watch: The Making of Avatar
Read: Avatars making love?
Listen: Leona Lewis' I See You

Walt Disney's Rapunzel

Days ago, I was wondering why Disney hasn't made Rapunzel into a Disney movie.

And then earlier, I found this at the Walt Disney Animation website: 

Some visual developments:

The Tower

The Prince climbing up Rapunzel's hair

THIS IS EXCITING! I can't wait! Check it out here!

Media Noche

I think it is called Media Noche. I'm not too sure but anyway, HAPPY 2010! Here are pictures from last night!

The Feast

My sibs made kwek-kwek/tukneneng whatever you call it. It's quail egg dipped in flour and fried then you can either dip it in vinegar or sweet sauce. And we have suman and empanada too. The empanadas we ordered from my uncle's friend's mom. They are really good. We always have them whenever there are special occasions. Pinoy na pinoy. Hahaha! Yummy!

Most of the food we had were by our lola but the baked macaroni is by my mom! Oha, oha! She can cook now! LOL So that night, we had Spaghetti and Baked Macaroni. Too much carbs. LOL

We spent the night playing Band Hero, watching Night at the Museum 2, and eating... LOTS OF EATING.

Itel, Anjo, and Mine

Hello, 2010!