Friday, December 31, 2010

Bye, Bitch 2010!

When 2009 ended, I had one wish: for 2010 not to be a bitch. Well, of course that didn’t happen because 2010 made sure that she shakes and tames the bitch out of me. And that makes her THE bitch.

For a bitch, 2010 was sly and cunning. You know, the type who would pull the rug from under you after luring you into the middle. And yes, she was under a disguise because when you look at the big picture, 2010 was a boring, bespectacled wallflower – far from the alluring 2009.  I. was. fooled.

I graduated and I got a job. Jobs, actually. From that point of view I was doing well. I was following the "should-be" path, the boring path. But life was more interesting than that. This year I got to see the other side of me that I thought did not exist. It happened under the radar, it was self-discovery ala-Eat, Pray, Love only without traveling.

There were bad months, where I felt like drowning and I was only desperately trying to hold on because I had to. I was tired and for once, I wished things were easy and simple. I wished I was one of those people who are contented with a 9 to 5 job and a bed to crash into after. I felt stranded. The inevitable arriving and unfolding of things that surrounded me was overwhelming. The meaning behind the things I did was lost. And everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, only made sense if it was entwined with…

It was the perfect Karma and it changed me more than I could ever imagine. It made me and broke me hundreds of times. It was my hope during days of loneliness and my certainty during moments of doubt as much as it was my darkness in moments of daylight. It may be the biggest paradox I have encountered because it got me so lost and confused. But I say it’s perfect in a positive way because it taught me wonderful lessons that I did not think I was capable of learning.

I fought and prayed A LOT. I turned things around and now I’m back to square one for 2011. I have found myself before the year ended and I can say that I’m prepared to take on this New Year with renewed energy and faith.

I  am ready!


Wednesday, December 29, 2010


I have to leave because I have a life to live.
This is it. I am letting go. 

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Saturday, December 18, 2010

This Shit Called Love

Love. Yeah, that forever complex thing that is called LOVE.


Does it really exist? I want to believe that it does but the universe is proving me otherwise. Relationships are messed up. Even the seemingly perfect ones are not perfect after all. Everybody cheats and so I'm thinking why bother?

I must admit that right at this very moment, there's a glimmer of hope but I still wonder how long I can hold on to that tiny little light that makes me still want to believe in this four-letter word.

I do not know. I honestly do not know.

Friday, December 3, 2010

Here Now

For the past few months, I have lost myself. And yesterday, I've found me.

I won't get into details because I'm not really a person who likes drama. But yeah, think Cristina Yang refusing to perform surgery. It's something like that except I don't have PTSD.

But yes, yesterday I found me. Nothing big happened, there were no movie-worthy scenes. It was a pat on the back rather than a shove. And it did surprise me. Anyways, I was so pumped up yesterday that I went to work #2 even if I don't have to. I did the things that have been on my to-do list for weeks. Things are moving along in less than 48 hours.

It feels nice. I guess sometimes, little things do bring about significant changes. I'm not just back here, but I am back HERE. God is really good.