Sunday, January 30, 2011

Oscar #5: The Kids Are All Right

Directed by Lisa Cholodenko
Just finished watching The Kids Are All Right. Just a warning, when I post blog entries about movies, I'm not really into giving reviews. I have not seen a lot of movies to be able to critique one. All I can do is give a decent comment on how I like it and what I thought and felt after watching.

Anyway, I like this movie! So much. It's touching, funny at times, and sweet. I don't know how close it is to reality in terms of showing the dynamics of a family like theirs so I can't really say much about that. I like it though how each person in the movie was characterized. Joni and Laser were normal teenagers while Jules and Nic are regular parents who just happened to be gay. I like it that they moved away from the "being lesbian" as the main issue. 

I like the cast although I can't seem to forget that Mia Wasikowska (such a hard surname!) was Alice. I had this feeling that the Mad Hatter will appear out of nowhere while watching this movie.

Oscar #4: The King's Speech

Since graduating, I've been trying to watch movies whenever I have free time. It's my way of... spoiling myself. To have at least an hour of just watching (something that is hopefully beautiful) without interruption, without any other thoughts in mind, to me is just precious. When you are constantly running around and multitasking, moments like this is something else

The last two movies that I've seen are The King's Speech and Never Let Me Go.

The King's Speech is touching. I already know what is going to happen (I know my royal history! Haha!) so no surprises there but the way it was presented is engaging. The cast was intimidating, I mean, Colin Firth, Geoffrey Rush (Barbossa!), Helena Bonham-Carter, Sir Michael Gambon (Dumbledore! Yay!) tell if that isn't stellar enough for you. I liked the friendship and how it was developed in the story. It's one of those movies which does not have the special effects, no love angle, just great lines and great actors.

Never Let Me Go, on the other hand, was unpredictable. I haven't read the book so I had no idea that the story was that... sick. One just have to watch it to know what actually happened in this movie. And please let me say that Andrew Garfield is CUTE! Haha!

I'm gonna try and watch this year's Oscar-nominated movies. I've seen the Toy Story 3, Inception, Black Swan and The King's Speech. Next up is The Kids Are All Right.

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Fearing Failure

It is amazing how we give meaning to the word FUTURE as we grow older. I can still remember when I was young, the future meant when I am done school. The future was so big and promising then, void of any negativity and reality. I used to think of decades and what I want to do within those years. Yes, like any other kid I was full of dreams. I was sure of what I wanted in life. Now that we are older, I've noticed that the word FUTURE became smaller. It has shrunk like the world around us did. The decades became next month, next week, tomorrow, the next second... it's like a threat that looms over our heads reminding us that we cannot escape. Because the truth is our old future has caught up on us and our idealistic dreams did not translate to reality. As a kid, we have this idea that the future magically transforms before our eyes. When you said before that you wanted to be a doctor, you didn't know that you will have to take Chemistry and Biochemistry or that you have to have a decent score on the MCAT. I bet people didn't even tell you that Med school costs a fortune. Moreover, that there is a chance that they don't even accept you. Most of us were raised idealistic and some of us never shed that until we were forced to face the awful realities of life. Yes, there is a thing called the MCAT and there is a thing called Medical School Application, and yes, it may include a panel interview.

The FUTURE, as you know, is largely unknown. As time passes your way, it asks you "What now?" We feel that: The Pressure. And so we plan, plan out our lives to no end. We meticulously count, assess, assign, organize, discern so we can prepare for the future: to make the unknown, somewhat known. We become obsessed with our plans and get frustrated when things do not go our way. Traces of our idealistic past hurt us as we tread towards our goals. We, humans have a hard time processing this. Most of the time we see it as a dead end. But we have to shed that idealistic thinking and accept the harsh reality that failure is part of the game.

I have to admit that it took me a while to realize this. Like most people, I am afraid of failure. And that fear stopped me from discovering the beauty of taking chances. It was quite restricting because it inhibited me from trying. What wonderful things could have happened if I took the chance? Sadly, I wouldn't know. Knowing, I believe, offsets whatever fear that we have. Having the answer to the what ifs is true power and control. But we don't see that. Often we get contented with the safe choice and we never leave our comfort zone. We don't try because we fear the outcome. We don't realize how beautiful things begin with just trying.

Losing is not the end of a battle. I've always thought that failure meant that I should move on and give my attention to something else. But it can be a test of how much we want something (or perhaps someone). Failing is a challenge. It is one of life's ways to ask you of how far you are willing to go. Standing up and trying again is not an easy task and if you are not dedicated enough, you can easily break and give up.

To sum it up, failure is a teacher. Because failing results to a myriad of emotions you learn so much about yourself in the midst of it. You learn how to handle your feelings and how to pick yourself up. You learn the important things in life, what makes you happy... you see the people who cares about you. It is an experience.

I'm not saying that you go out there and try everything and gear for failure. What I'm trying to say is that fear of failure should not stop all of us from leaving our protective shell. We might not have achieved what we wanted to sometimes, we should not let this stop us. The future is ours and we should go ahead and meet life head on with enthusiasm. Taking chances wouldn't hurt.  It's good to be careful but make sure you are not careful to the point that it's crippling. Remember that nothing extraordinary can happen if we just stand in one corner because we are afraid of crossing the street fearing that cars will hit us while we are on our way.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011


I was not OK with it.
I AM not OK with it.
And I don't even know why.
Or maybe I just don't want to accept,
the reason behind.

Sunday, January 16, 2011


"He still had some doubts about the decision he had made. But he was able to understand one thing: making a decision was only the beginning of things. When someone makes a decision, he is really diving into a strong current that will carry him to places he had never dreamed of when he first made the decision"
-- The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

I though things over while in the shower. I know, I know. The bathroom does not seem to be a very solemn venue for thinking especially that whatever I decide on would determine my future but believe me, it is. I realized I can't work on two opposing goals at once. I need to focus on one thing and then worry about the rest after.

I have made a decision and I'm going to stick with it. I'm optimistic.

Friday, January 14, 2011

Real Life

Lately I have been finding it hard to decide and commit myself to one thing. Even to things as simple as "Do you want your cupcake on a plate?". Seriously. The barista must've thought I was slow. And when I answered this assessment that I administer on participants, I clicked on "Does Not Matter"more. What is happening to me? Suddenly I don't know what I like and dislike. And I refuse to believe that it still has something to do with... that.

I'm having difficulty choosing and ultimately committing. I know. The problem with me is that I bail. Like Arizona Robbins on Callie Torres, whenever things are hard I walk away. I don't care if I hurt anyone. I don't fix things; I throw them out. I solve problems by moving on. I'm an expert on getting the crap out of my life. It has worked for me before but now here are two things that I can't throw out that easily. Suddenly, the rule of thumb does not work and I have no escape door.

I'm thinking and praying and thinking and praying and... but I haven't found the answer. I keep going back and forth without any real commitment to any side and I know it's not healthy. I have to make a decision and fight for that decision until the end. Only of course, I can't.

Hello, Real Life. You are really testing me.

Sunday, January 9, 2011


It escaped me that last January 6 something turned 4!

Amaaazing how time flew by so fast. More blog years to come! Cheers!

*image not mine

Friday, January 7, 2011


Have you ever felt like a stranger in a place that used to be so familiar? It's so cheesy but I was so taken a back that I have to write about it. I visited the university yesterday and it felt... weird. No, the place did not have drastic changes. Also, I work there part-time so it's not like I haven't been there for ages. But it was actually my first time visiting on a regular term and that, I think, shocked me.

I got there at lunch time and ate at UC with my sister. I bought the usual chicken and wedges from Pizza Pizza. And also, like the usual, I only ate a third of it. It's pretty much what I did before when I was still a student but somewhat different. I used to just go there anytime, on any day and find someone I know but there was not a familiar face. I looked around and noticed how everyone was in a hurry. I thought had it always been like this? I never noticed how everyone was rushing to somewhere; no one was paying attention to anything except for their destination. Everyone has their own little bubble, their own clique, their own way... it was sort of alienating.

After eating I set off to Dafoe to meet some friends. I decided to take the tunnels to stay warm. It surprised me how weird it felt. There it was, the same old tunnel that I walked into for the last four years but it was not the same. The girl who used to walk in there was gone. Moreover, the undergrad angst was not there anymore. I knew that I've changed since graduating but I never knew that I changed that way and to that extent that it surprised me. It was like seeing that same place with new pair of eyes.

I got to the library, walked in and found my friend. It was the same old Dafoe, same Starbucks, the same baristas, the same couches... but different. It's not them, it's me. I do not belong in the university anymore but I'm hoping I can find my way back in soon.

Thursday, January 6, 2011


So this is my way of saying HELLO to 2011: quitting on two things that had been essential in my daily life.


Coffee has been my saviour during my undergraduate days when I was frequently running on 3-4 hours of sleep. (But mind you, I was more energetic then compared to working-girl-with-5-hours-of-sleep-and-coffee.) It did not help that Starbucks was inside the library and just minutes away from most of my classes. I was working part-time on minimum wage while studying and please don't be surprised when I say that a good chunk of my paycheck got spent on coffee. Yep, that is right. I made Starbucks richer.
From a pick-me-upper it became sort of a habit. Now that I have no real reason to stay up late, I thought I really need to stop drinking coffee and begin fixing my sleeping pattern. It's simple: I sleep early; I don't become sleepy; I won't need coffee; I cut on the caffeine; I save money.

You see, it's a good chain reaction. And yeah, so far NO RELAPSES considering I had been to Starbucks several times for the past few weeks.


I really don't think I have to say a lot. It annoys me. I hate how people use it. But above all, I hate how I use it. So to end the hatred, I decided to be off it. And I'm glad to say that life feels so much SIMPLER without it.

It feels good overall to be able to quit on something that you thought you can't live without. I mean, really, thinking about it, I was not a coffee drinker before and I was not born with a Facebook profile. It was I who made myself dependent on these things and it is only I who can disengage myself from them. Well guess what, I am doing it and it feels NICE!

Have YOU quit on anything lately?

Monday, January 3, 2011

Hobby-To Be

I have seriously forgotten what it is like to have a hobby. Before I used to collect dolls but it has been years since I got my last one. I would also devour books before but now a number of them are here on the shelf unread/unfinished. Music and art were the two big things in my life before but it has been what? 7 years of hiatus. It's ridiculous how one can easily forget the things one used to love. But then I guess that  is useful in some other things...

Anyway my friend Mavic and I were talking about taking up a hobby. My brother and I had a similar conversation last month. Just studying and/or just working just doesn't cut it. There has to be something to make life more fun, right? I mean really, when was the last time I did or created something because it was fun or because I like it? I don't even remember. So I'm thinking of what I want to do this year. Here are some things...

Yudu Machine

Any other suggestions?

Saturday, January 1, 2011

2011 Plans

"For last year's words belong to last year's language, and next year's words await another voice. And to make an end is to make a new beginning."
- T.S. Elliot

Thinking about it, 2011 is a humongous tub of Playdough waiting to be created into something beautiful. Magnificent, even. Unlike the previous years when I have somewhat of an idea of what will happen for the next 365 days (One word: UNIVERSITY), this year is like a huge mystery box. What I do in 2011 is pretty much up to me and the freedom is kind of overwhelming. There are numerous possibilities. I can continue working or I may go back to school. I may travel. The ultimate challenge of course is to make the best out of this year.

I have no definite plans yet. I still have to think about what I want to do for the next 12 months. I just wish that 2011 will positively surprise me.


“May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you’re wonderful, and don’t forget to make some art — write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. May your coming year be a wonderful thing, in which you dream both dangerously and outrageously. I hope you’ll make something that didn’t exist before you made it, that you will be loved and you will be liked, and that you will have people to love and to like in return. And, most importantly (because I think there should be more kindness and more wisdom in the world right now), I hope that you will, when you need to be, be wise, and that you will always be kind. And I hope that somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself.”
— Neil Gaiman, “A New Year’s Benediction,”