WHY NOW???

When I compare myself to my Psyc classmates, I feel that I'm lagging behind. When we talk they've already finished this and that; They've volunteered in this lab and that; They are interested in this research field and hopes to do this someday.

And I...

I just don't see myself as a psychologist. I enjoy it, don't get me wrong. But going the extra mile, committing myself to it is... no. I can't do it. I can't tie myself to the field. I like it but I don't love it. Research is not something I want to do for the rest of my life. It's not me.

Now my degree requires all of me and I can't. I can't do just that. I can't be ALL ABOUT PSYCHOLOGY.

It's so foreign from the things I love. Far from culture, far from stylistic writing, far from art, far from fashion, far from politics,...

It's funny that I realized it just now in my fourth year. Maybe because it's only now that I get to see how it is really like in the academe.

Earlier we have a guest speaker in class. He's an MLA and went to talk about social influence and politics. And I was sooo there, I asked questions, I have lots of questions and I was REALLY interested. Too bad there wasn't enough time so I got to ask him only one. It feels so different. Present a psychological experiment to me and I... won't ask any question. It interests me but it doesn't interest me enough.

I know. I should've taken Political Studies.


Shit. Did I just type that?