Law&Order

I've been looking and looking. Asking myself where did I lose myself. I don't know. Suddenly I felt that I got lost in the middle of this, erm, commotion. Let's just call it that. When, where, or how exactly...I don't know. What I see now is that the things I did before seems irrelevant to my current life. Everything seems too far and foreign. I like how things are now but life then was somewhat leading to the ideal life that I've always wanted. Right now, I'm sitting here, typing these words with nothing really important to do. And it kind of sucks.

Importance. I guess that's it. I can't see the worth of the things I'm doing right now. I've always wanted to get involved in things that are larger than life, things that are important not just to me but to a lot of people. That's what I love doing. Now, I'm not doing anything for anyone. I'm too absorbed by own troubles and I hate it. It feels like I'm losing my place in the world. It's weird, I guess. But whenever I focus on myself, suddenly the sense of living becomes blurred. It feels wrong and uncomfortable. I always feel that there is something to do, something more important that I should do with my time. My little troubles are nothing, just a speck of dust, compared to these bigger things. And I feel guilty.

Maybe I just want too much.

Maybe I'm just pressuring myself.

I know that I'm just me and I have a life to deal with but I can't shake off the horrible feeling of letting time pass without doing something.

***

Sooooo...since I like pressuring myself today, I visited this:

http://www.umanitoba.ca/law/newsite/info.php?page=coursedescription1

December 2010 - I will probably write the LSAT, that is, if everything goes well.

It's so nice to know that they will be taking 30 of the worst credits if you have more than 114 credits. Umm...this includes U1, right? So I have...what? 120. They will take 10 courses out. Awesome!!! I wish they also do this in Arts. Haha.

Grades are making me crazy. I won't deny that I am grade conscious now. I want something on my diploma. That's all!!! But it's so hard to pull my GPA up. Since they are only counting my last two years, I still need a "0.2" or maybe less but still it's soooo difficult to get. God, I need to learn how to balance life. Badly. I pray that I won't get lazy this summer and that I work hard to get the grades that I should get 'cause I need them. I NEED THEM SO BAD. Or maybe I WANT them. Yes, I want them.

Ohmygod, I'm in a withdrawal period. This is what happens when you are juggling tons of acads stuff and then suddenly you have nothing to do (I actually still have one exam left but it's not until the 22nd. I have plenty of time!). Meh. Bad. But writing, er, typing this made me feel better. Angst level: DOWN. Emotionality: CLOSE TO ZERO. Back to being a cyborg. LOL. This is how crazy I am emotionally. I will have 10 minutes of "low point" then I'll be back up there in Happy Land in a snap. Just give me one reason to be happy, no matter how shallow, then I'll be fine. Resilience, baby! Or maybe I'm just plain crazy. Hahaha!

Haha! I have to stop here now. I could go on and on and on.